Tuesday, November 20, 2007

A stickler for the truth

Somebody taught me about the value of loyalty.

I think I may have been quite a stickler for the truth. Maybe that's how I was raised. When a friend does something wrong, he does something wrong even if he is your friend.
When your sister does something wrong, she does something wrong even if she's your sister.

But truth is not black and white. Truth is often grey. While loyalty is black and white. It's clear cut.

You are either loyal or disloyal. While this society has a place for a white lie, it reserves no place for semi-loyalty. A semi loyalty is no loyalty at all.

So why go for something grey when you can get black and white?

The truth at the expense of disloyalty is hurtful, a friend told me. It alienates you from your friends. I think she is right, because I would want a friend to defend me; even if I am wrong. Especially if I'm wrong and I'm up against half of the world. Because at the end of the day, what matters more, the truth or loyalty?

If in order to be truthful you have to be disloyal, does the truth have the value it deserves? If in order to be good you have to be bad, what's the point of being good?

I think you would agree with this fundamental principle of "do unto others what you want others to do unto you". The interesting thing about this principle is that I can be a stickler for it and at the same time forgo the truth. Counter-intuitive, I know. But it's quite easy to see really. I want friends who are loyal; so to get loyal friends I must be loyal to them. The truth isn't even in the equation.

At one point, I raised this proposition that this principle breaks down when you falsely judge the character of a friend. Loyalty has little merit in self-preservation. If you defend fiercely a friend who does something wrong, and discover in the end that he is not the good friend you thought he is, then your loyalty while noble in intention, is misplaced. And misplaced loyalty harms you. More often than not,it not only leaves you bitter and resentful, it makes you question your character-judging ability and in so doing compromising on your dignity and sense of self worth.

But that's a risk worth taking, is it not? Because loyalty can't be bought. That's the essence of the word.

The irony is that person who taught me this and I, we ceased being friends about a year ago. It's only recently that things are better. Now that we're friends again I told her that God makes us friends again so I can boost her CAP hahaha.

I think we're made friends again because there are stuffs I need to learn.

Grinning Goat at 11/20/2007 08:22:00 PM pontificated

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{buzzz out}

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Sunday at Holland V

I was high. I was never that high ever since I took that self-declared break from lab. Things had been pretty dull; no more of that daily dose of entertainment Regina conferred me.

During the sound check, the sound system was marvelous. Think they did something to the mic or the loud speaker because the last time I was there it was muffled and I wanted to strangle somebody. So during the sound check it was FUN. I would've sung for free anytime anyplace. Problem is in whether people want to listen to me sing hauahahaha

At the real gig though the mic went $#&^#%*&#(*#&). Yes that was the way to describe what happened without me resorting to unladylike curses and swears. The sound BROKE. And while luckily it didn't happen at my band's turn, it was HORRIBLE because it didn't do justice to the vocalists. They were terrific and here they were sounding like two mofos out of SUPERBAND (and no, that was not meant as a compliment. SUPERBAND is the WORST band competition ever. To me, ANYBODY can be in superband. The quality was THAT low).

And when Liza's band was doing the soundcheck (my band wasn't there because we were off to have dinner; the seafood auntie was really business-savvy, handling us all her menus even before we sat down) apparently there was some loud-mouthed uncle who complained that we were too loud.

Eh, uncle it was 6 PM eh. WHO SLEEPS AT 6? Besides, the performance was done in a PUBLIC SPACE. If you want ZERO DECIBELS noise, live in the jungle la. It's not like we're there everyday. And it's not like we're some stray band doing random gigs just for the heck of it. We're UNDERGRADUATES and we ONLY ACCEPT PAID GIGS. And the organiser of this event was North West CDC and Buona Vista CCC (don't ask me what the 3 Cs stand for I forgot). THEY clearly APPROVED of us playing. We've played there for AGES.

Besides, we helped to boost sales. We promoted the stuff they sell. I even had to praise t-shirts I don't even like.

The uncle even went to the extent of CALLING THE POLICE. Seriously, I don't even know what kind of an argument he's going to come up with. We were ALLOWED make noise because it wasn't even 9 pm yet. The stall holders probably loved us too because I said their t-shirts and stuffs are nice and worth buying (and Satrio bought a ring). AND as further proof of their love, one of them gave us free green tea. ALSO, the table number 46 cheered during the sound check because we played songs they like (bless them for liking Radja).

So the policemen were there. Probably just for show because when a citizen comes with a complaint the police couldn't just ignore him. It's their job to pretend to care.

Before the gig, the lot of us went to the toilet. I know that you must be wondering why the hell must I announce such unglamorous details but the band outing to the toilet was NOT uneventful. There was this butch (well ok I was about to say a girl to be polite actually but Jaslin said she's like a butch and I think she might be right) who was arguing with this gangster-like fellow. Sleeves all rolled up ready to fight; she kept saying if you dare come la come la. And she had to be restrained by the security guard. The gangster too.

I think the problem might be that the gangster spilled something on her hand and didn't apologise (her hand was covered with dark brown stain which I thought to be blood but which Jaslin refuted to be "too dark and chocolatey" to be blood). Well, he's a gangster eh, do you expect a gangster to apologise???

You expect the PRIME MINISTER to apologise. You expect EDUCATED people to apologise. This guy probably couldn't even read the newspaper to save his life and she demanded an apology from him. I mean obviously you WANT people to apologise when they do you wrong but do you want to GET BEATEN UP for the sake of an apology?

I'm assuming that if she does fight, she's going to lose, which might not be the case. She may well be a black belt holder for all I know, although from the looks if it I seriously doubt it. But she was scrawny eh. And she wore spectacles. Not that she's too geeky to engage in a fight with a gangster, but the way I see it the fella could just land one punch to her face and she can be blinded for all eternity from the broken glass debris.

And all this over what? a SPILLED CHOCOLATE SYRUP? a DAMAGED PRIDE?
Is her pride worth more than her EYES?

Really. People nowadays don't think about these things. They think for the moment. No foresight at all.

Yeah anyway, Regina, Joan and Min were there. It was really awesome of them to come.
They made my day. Again.

Oh and I apologize for the gangster tone in this post. Just thought that this post doesn't really call for subtlety. My gangster tone isn't only low class, it is APPROPRIATE for the occasion.

Grinning Goat at 11/18/2007 10:20:00 PM pontificated

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{buzzz out}

'S all about the game

I played gunbound for a good 2 hour. I just had to.

I'm telling you, when you're playing with a good partner, you can have the world for the taking. We didn't lose a single game.

thegoat: this is my last game. I have to go to sleep
peinx: sleep lol. what time is it there?
thegoat: 2 am
Peinx: wow it's 1 pm here
ABZ: where are you at?
thegoat: singapore
ABZ: I wish I'm smart enough to know where that is
thegoat: it's a small island you can't see it on the world map anyway
peinx: lol

I'm not following the footsteps of a certain someone who had a certain fondness for saying red dot but it is true isn't it? you can't see it on the world map even if you want to. I mean you can't see the shape of the island, you just see the caption.

Well at least if someone from around here is asked the question they asked on MS.USA "why do you think most americans don't know where america is on the world map?" in the context of singapore, they'll have a more legitimate answer than that given by that dumb blond who blabbered incoherent sentences, spicing it up with words like "Iraq" and "Africa" in an attempt to derail us from figuring out that she's a complete mofo which obviously is fooling nobody.

Grinning Goat at 11/18/2007 02:13:00 AM pontificated

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{buzzz out}

Thursday, November 15, 2007

We laid that to rest

Stories make the world go round.

I heard and told lots of them today and it felt good. Talking to deldel always makes me feel good. I suppose there's something about stories you can draw parallel to your life. Something about listening about other people. It's comforting.

I told her that as we get older, we know more about what we want and what we don't want and we get picky but the problem is we become picky at a time when we can't afford to be picky.

We argued about whether it's ethical to accuse people of the nice things they do.

I admit that once I got irritated at a friend who's doing nothing more than being nice. When people asked me, I find it hard to find the ground in which to defend myself. I mean, what is wrong with unwillingness to badmouth? what's so wrong with refusing to indulge in the pleasure of gossiping?

I'm not so morally challenged, I find it hard to find fault with that. My only defense was, nobody could be THAT nice and if nobody can, what she put on must be a facade. I called her my "preachy" friend even. But that's a pretty harsh way to judge humanity, isn't it? That's reflective of my lack of faith in mankind. The fact that I think nobody could be that nice is sad. It may not even be right, but I just couldn't help myself.

There's nothing wrong with being nice. In fact if this world is full of nice people, we would've skipped 2 world wars' worth of agony. But surely, the fact that we didn't mean the world isn't full of nice people? That most people are not nice. That half the world is probably rotten. Unless I give her the benefit of the doubt, which I even failed to do and that makes me fall into the category of that half of the world I despised.

But I just couldn't help myself.

It takes more than niceness for two people to get along. In fact, it takes a lot more than that. I'm sorry that I judged her so harshly and yet I can't be more of a friend than what I had been.

What I am is cynical.

I can't help myself. And I don't want to help myself.

Because being cynical is safe. It protects you from the rest of the world. It's a safe buffer zone, even at the expense of losing faith in humanity.

Humanity is a funny thing.
If people really believe in it, why do people find it so hard to find the political willpower to really really do something about the lack of it? Because there are more important things, they say. And if there are more important things, on a scale of 1 to 10 how important is humanity?

While they figure that out, I'm happy being cynical.

Grinning Goat at 11/15/2007 11:51:00 PM pontificated

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{buzzz out}

Goat on green pastures

I'm panicking because I don't panic enough to start studying seriously so I head to Adel's place today.

I hate the security guards at her place. They infringed too much on people's rights. Basically, the more they emphasized food is not allowed the more I wanted to eat, even with my swollen gum and all.

I was prowling through the treacherous pages of CYP2C9 when Regina called. She remembered about the 18th of November. I always take it for granted when people say they're going to come that they won't end up being there when the day comes. But she called, asking me what time it's going to start. It really really made my day. I'll treat her to all the sneakers in the world but I just said do bring an umbrella and she said "Ross, you're very anticlimax leh"

I told her I'm HONOURED that she remembers, that she even bothers to come at all (the word is TOUCHED really but it was too dramatic for my taste).

Their presence matters. I love you guys. A lot lot.

Grinning Goat at 11/15/2007 11:35:00 PM pontificated

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{buzzz out}

Whatever can go wrong will go wrong

I had this conversation with a friend once about whether in believing in Murphy's law wholeheartedly, you're having a sad existence.

I wouldn't place him in the same pedestal as Newton but I wouldn't disregard his law as the ramblings of an old man. It's a warning; an advice to heeded but I don't think anyone should make it their bible.

If whatever can go wrong will go wrong then almost everything will go wrong because almost everything can go wrong. You can get hit by a car while you cross the road, get chicken pox before a performance, lose your wallet right before paying.

In fact, you can die just by doing nothing.

I'm starting to believe more on C.S.Lewis' concept of humanity as a single organism. Optimists must exist because pessimists exist. A world full of Murphy's believers are just way too morbid. And a world full of optimists are just way too creepy.

Grinning Goat at 11/15/2007 12:07:00 AM pontificated

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{buzzz out}

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Crazy fella

R: aiyaaaaaaaaaaaa there's lecture tomorrow ahhhhhh?
Qx: No la, QnA only. But I don't think anyone will Q, so if there's no Q there will be no A also. Then I guess don't need to go

HUAHAHAHAHAHAHA I LOVE HER RATIONALE

Grinning Goat at 11/11/2007 11:35:00 PM pontificated

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{buzzz out}

According to vonka

According to vonka, the trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.

Amen to that.

Grinning Goat at 11/11/2007 09:37:00 PM pontificated

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{buzzz out}

The essence of having principles

The essence of having principles is not to talk yourself into believing it. That's trying to acquire a principle you haven't got.

I think part of the reason why the world is so complicated is because men are fickle.

Prone to double standards and favoritism
Emotional
Weak

Men blow with the wind.

Destructive when angered
Self-pitying when disappointed
Bitter when lonely

Men are frivolous.

They do what please them
Condemn what don't suit them, and
Hate those who are not like them

Yes. I'm in one of those moments when I don't have much faith in humanity.

All is void.
The spirit is void right now.
It's not so easy to forgive and forget. The concept for all its noble intention is facing an extinction. Together with the chimpanzees. I wonder what Jane Goodall's take on this is.

Grinning Goat at 11/11/2007 07:57:00 PM pontificated

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{buzzz out}

Hell has a name

My gum is swollen and there's an ulcer on my lips. If I were a more religious person I would think that God wants me to talk less and eat less. Good advice on both accounts probably.

I hate writing events that have passed for a while because then I won't tell the story the same way I will tell it when it just happens. Which in the case of caustic harangue following a quarrel is probably a good idea because a more toned down you is surely a more controlled and rational you?

Anyway what I want to tell is nothing serious like that. I miss my cat. I dreamt about Mr.Johny falling from the third story of a mall (as to why Mr.Johny ended up in a mall, God knows), survived the fall with a crippled hind leg then started talking to me.

My dad named him after our neighbour Johny. Who was a pain in the arse by the way, and now that I think about it it's an insult to my cat to be named after an arse.
The thing was Mr.Johny got old and sickly. We thought it was a good idea to let him go and so we did. And as with cats and their lack of sense of loyalty, we never saw him again. Good riddance because he was never any good with the rats anyway except that I miss him.

My cousin saw Mr.Johny once and asked if he was an imported breed. Little did she know that we actually picked him up from her own backyard (yes, the cowardly and domesticated Mr.Johny was a stray) and fattened him up to an imported breed pedigree.

This entry was pretty much that. About my swelling gum and Mr.Johny.

Grinning Goat at 11/11/2007 07:38:00 PM pontificated

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{buzzz out}

Thursday, November 08, 2007

All the things people said

"Don't worry about people from your past, there's a reason why they didn't make it to the future"

"Never explain yourself to anyone. Because the person who likes you doesn't need it and the person who dislikes you won't believe it"

Oh and of course there's "people with lousy camera shouldn't be allowed to take videos"

They sound very wise and all but wayy wayy too long for a nickname surely?

Grinning Goat at 11/08/2007 11:40:00 PM pontificated

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{buzzz out}

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

THE method

R: I'm SO LAZY EH. HOW???
CK: self discipline. Willpower.
R: I can't count on my willpower. If I can a lot of things would've happened
CK: or maybe you can get rid of all sources of temptation
R: to do that you need to get rid of the whole of my house
R: the fridge. the bed. the computer. the tv. the books. the kitchen. my mother. my sisters. my brother. dvd player. ipod
CK: sayuri, you need to go live in a cave
R: YOU're VERY ENCOURAGING EHHHHH
CK: orh then how? come out of the house to study, go to the library, hole yrself up in some cubicle. But u might still fall asleep huh
R: YEAAAAA but in library it's worse because when I sleep in library besides embarrassing because of my ungirly sleeping pose, I also get dizzy afterwards
CK: why r u so prone to dizzy spells ah! u more auntie than me leh!

Talking to her doesn't help at all. Nope it doesn't.

Grinning Goat at 11/07/2007 01:41:00 AM pontificated

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{buzzz out}

Sunday, November 04, 2007

My students' antics

Anthea: why are you not wearing pants, daniel?
Ross: are you wearing a SKIRT??
Grace: no, she said that because daniel's pants are the color of his skin so it looks like he doesn't wear pants (brown pants, dark grey shirt)
Ross: hauahaha well at least you don't look like you're not wearing a shirt
G/A/P/: HUAHAHAHAA
Daniel: how come everybody seem to get it but me?
Grace: because you're kept in the dark, daniel, get it??
Ross: nice pun

Oh and please don't be a moron and complain that we're being racist. We're not. Daniel has about the same race as me as far as I'm concerned.

Grinning Goat at 11/04/2007 12:49:00 AM pontificated

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{buzzz out}

I miss Jane Goodall by a good 10 minutes

It was my first time at the botanic after a good 10 years here and I was lost. Kahming could read map so it's not as though I was in such dire state as being totally directionless (although some people who were lost were standing in front of the park's map blocking the view and talking loudly on the phone, devoiding us of what little sympathy we had for him)

We prowled on and managed to find the stage (which was marvelous in a grand outdoor concert sort of way). There were a lot of Caucasians, and a whole lot more kids in funny costumes.

And Jane Goodall was DONE with her speech. She was sitting at the edge of the stage, legs stretched out. For someone of her status, I thought that was a comfortingly friendly gesture; she's not the sort of person who thinks she's such a big shot that she cannot sit in such an unglamorous manner on stage. Well I suppose this is good for her too because I don't think 70 year old bones would appreciate having to endure the strain of standing for the whole 2 hour of the program. Well, at least I know my 20 odd years old bones won't appreciate that and they were 50 years younger.

The winner of "best conservation message" was this group of 3 girls. The three of them stood in line, forming the body of a camel, one of their heads becoming a camel head, and two heads for two camel humps. It's all very cute and endearing. The message was "Be a camel, conserve water". I thought that was just brilliant.

And at the end of it we didn't get to shake her hands or take a picture. Because apparently they stationed bodyguards around her (or at least some burly men to fend off enthusiasts like us). And my pride prevented me from shoving my way through.
So it was just her sad face, fluorescent from the soft street light that I remembered as she was getting driven away in a car.

And I thought she probably had achieved more in her twenties that I do now.

As her car left, this kid was saying to her friend, "she touched my handdd"
Then the friend said something else which I couldn't hear amidst the noise but I heard the kid's reply, which was, "who cares, she touched my handddd"

I guess the world is still salvageable when there are still kids who has somebody like Jane Goodall as their idol. I mean it's not like those morons who cry, OOHHH BRITNEY SPEARS TOUCHED MY HANDDDDD. Meaning no disrespect to Britney -probably she's a nice person and all that- but in the grander scheme of things, so what if she touches your hand. I mean, BIG DEAL???

Grinning Goat at 11/04/2007 12:42:00 AM pontificated

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{buzzz out}