Saturday, May 27, 2006

These kids

If I shotgun, I'm the shotgun noob.
If THEY shotgun, they're just being strategic.

If I hit, it's LUCK.
If THEY hit, it's SKILL.

If I kick someone after losing a game, I'm not being cool.
If THEY kick someone after losing a game, they're "making space" for "a friend who wants to come inside the room".

If I miss, that's because I'm a noob.
If THEY miss, it's because of the damn wind.

If I said the wind change, I'm finding an excuse.
If THEY said the wind change, they're telling the truth.

Anyway, after a while I just get sick of hearing the word noob.
If I have to look like a noob and shotgun just to win the game and spite them and earn some gold, that's what I'm going to do. Noobieness aside.

And oh yea about Dt-ing (ganging up on one of the enemies), I have no qualms doing it. It's strategic. You hit whoever's easier to hit and if it happens that you have to dt, then dt it will be. What's with people getting upset over dt. It's not like it's unethical to dt for god's sake. A little treachery is needed sometimes. Not that I thought of dt-ing as a treachery.

It's strategic and the end does justify the means. Like hell it does.

Right. I'm going back tomorrow. So this place is probably going to be pretty silent for a while.

Go read my archive, my links. Meditate.

Cheerio. I love holidays.

Grinning Goat at 5/27/2006 03:27:00 AM pontificated

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{buzzz out}

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Yamin yamin yamin

I'm still mourning.

HOW CAN THEY KICK ELLIOTT YAMIN?
He's a champion of the underdog.
He's humble and for a man of HIS talent, the humility is humbling in itself.

And you should really really listen to his rendition of Moody's mood for love.

It was fantastic. It's the reason why people fall in love with jazz.

There I go, there I go, there I go, there I go
Pretty baby you are the soul that snaps my control
It's a funny thing but everytime I'm near you
I never can behave
You give me a smile and I'm wrapped up in your magic
Music all around me, crazy music, music that keeps calling me so
Baby close to you, turns me into your slave
Come on
Come and do with me any little thing that you want to
Anything, baby just met me get next to you
Am I insane or do I really see heaven in your eyes
Bright as stars that shine up above you
In the clear blue sky
How I worry bout you
Just can't live my life without you
Baby come here, don't have no fear
Oh, is there wonder why
I'm really feeling in the mood for love

Elliott Yamin is a genius. Mr.Stevie Wonder is right, Yamin should stick to this profession.
By the way he has an israeli blood and his real name is Ephraim. And Yamin in Hebrew means right, which I swear suits him. And to think that he's diabetic and is 90% deaf in one ear, to be as pitch-perfect as he is, it's something.

Elliott Yamin. Elliott Yamin. Elliott Yamin.
If he comes up with an album, I'm buyin it.

I'm still mourning.

Grinning Goat at 5/24/2006 01:25:00 PM pontificated

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{buzzz out}

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Colour blind

Adulthood is when you realise you're colour blind. When there's no colour and life comes in shades of grey.

There's no black. Think the term necessary evil. How can a necessary evil be entirely evil?
There's no white either. There has never been. Even the most angelic student in your class gets his hand caught in the cookie jar every once in a while.
You know because you'd see the bruises from when he tried to get his hand out in time.

Won't it be nice if people can't be entirely wrong?
That everything is just a series of misunderstanding. Ones that never do get sorted out. For one reason or another.

Adulthood is when the only way out is retirement. When you're stuck in a boring place that going to the toilet 20 times sounds reasonable regardless of whether your kidney demands it. When you know that graduation isn't a coupla years away but a coupla decades away.

Adulthood is when you meet people with so diverse a background you find a new meaning in the term "narrow-mindedness", question the foundation of your belief then change it or embrace it like you never did before.

Adulthood is when you laugh at anything and everything or nothing at all.

Adulthood is when you mellow. When principles change. When you tolerate.
When you miss your childhood and spent youth and wish that reincarnation will take care of that.

Grinning Goat at 5/21/2006 12:44:00 AM pontificated

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{buzzz out}

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Breathe

'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

There's a light at each end of this tunnel,
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
and breathe, just breathe

Grinning Goat at 5/20/2006 02:49:00 AM pontificated

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{buzzz out}

Just thoughts

The thoughts, they come faster than I can constuct my words.
So I'll leave it as it is.

Just thoughts. No words.

Grinning Goat at 5/20/2006 02:06:00 AM pontificated

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{buzzz out}

Friday, May 19, 2006

Hang loose

Hang loose. What do you think of that name for a dance group?
Pah. I don't think SelV would like that one. What about Fantabulous? geez I'm crap with names.

Anyway.
After watching MI3 today and being chastised for not thinking that Cruise is THAT handsome, I went to see Kaka.

We were served by this git of a sales assistant. When asked for a new piece, she actually walked around to the back and came back with the very same piece- the bleeding display, claiming it's new. Me, I admit I don't have an eye for these things. But we're talking about Kaka here. And SelV.

They went like, this is a new piece?
and the git said, yea it is.
It's not the display?
No, the display has one stone that came off.

Now I just wonder if we struck them as stupid customers. Because we do know that:
1) The display always has the price tag attached but the new ones don't
2) (I just found out today) the zipper's positioned in the middle, slightly to the side for a new piece so it looks like the zipper's screwed when it's not.

And. This piece she claimed as new has
1) the price tag attached
2) the zipper at the end
3) no stones missing

Which means, if my brain's still functioning properly:
1) the new piece is the display
2) she can't be arsed to go to the back to take a genuine new piece and yet
3) she also can't be arsed to come up with a decent lie as a cover story

Now SelV felt all cheated (although she wasn't really the one buying the stuff haha)
She went all how dare she do that?

And I asked her, what are you gonna do about it?
And she said, I'ma ask her, show me the piece with the missing stone
And so I asked again, what do you wanna do with the piece with the missing stone?
And she retorted, I'ma tell her I'm gonna buy that piece
And I said huahaha you crazy nut what if she said she's glued the stone back?
Then she said, I'll ask her if that's what she's doing all along if a stone dropped and how should we know that all these stones aren't there just because she glued everything together?

And I told her, God that's probably gonna lead to a nasty catfight
And she said, yes it would

And so we left it at that.

But I couldn't resist because the git was trying to cheat my sister.
So at the counter I asked if the stones are gonna come off easily (because the trick of the trade is to never admit anything bad can happen to your product)
And the git said no, no
And I said, but you said the display had one of the stone missing, that means it can come off easily doesn't it?
And she said without blinking, oh that was defective product and we're not selling that.

And that was that.
Because obviously the git was trying to sell my sister the defective product with a stone that's been glued back together.

So I just stood there staring and having the thoughts that every customer must have of a lousy crap sales assistant.
That there's a reason why they are what they are and not something else greater.

Grinning Goat at 5/19/2006 12:24:00 AM pontificated

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{buzzz out}

Thursday, May 18, 2006

See what I mean

Bus drivers must all be tuned to the same frequency. Everytime I asked what time is the last bus, they would point and said that this is the last bus. So when is the last bus exactly?
I mean yesterday the last bus was 11.10 and today the last bus is 11.25.

Or maybe they're not talking bollocks. Maybe the last bus is whenever the bus driver feels like going as long as it's between 11 and 11.30.

Anyway. A taxi stopped by and the driver rolled down the window. He asked me if this is Lower Kent Ridge road and I had no freaking idea. For my two years there I had walked that road up and down a dozen times (literally because they didn't build NUS on a flat land exactly) and I had no idea. Sure, I knew it was Kent Ridge something but upper or lower makes a big difference if you think about it because hey who was the brilliant fella who says that Temasek Junior College has to be on Temasek Boulevard or Holland Village has to be in Holland? So I just shook my head looking sheepish, hopefully sheepish enough to pass as a tourist although God knows what would a tourist be doing in NUS in the middle of the night.

I guess this is the same problem I had with shops along Orchard road. They'd just say let's meet at Zara and I'd give them this blank look and most of the time they don't get it, which is putting a lot of faith on my memory.

I had a dream the other day. It was one of those dreams that is good. One that is not so mind-blowingly good that I woke up depressed but one that is not so bad I would hate it either (in fact sometimes bad dream is better than good dream. There were times when I was subconscious that I was in a dream and when bad things happened I could just laugh it off like I couldn't in real life. Like a staged performance). It was one of those dreams that's fresh out of the oven. Something you didn't imagine you'd dream about. And it comes true.

Well I admit that maybe the goodness has more to do with the fact that it comes true and less to do with the dream itself.

Anyway. If there's ever a joke I would carry my whole life it's probably this.

When I was a kid, Andri and the bunch of them asked me if I could go out with them. And that meant I needed to look at my dad's expression the way adults would look at the cloud cover for the weather forecast so I decided to chicken out and handed the phone over.

And the bunch of them were caught a little off guard I think but managed to decide on the spot that Ria would score the highest point on the chart that'd increase the probability of me being allowed to go (she can make her guardian of an aunt sound like this very nice woman, which she very well may be except that that's not the first impression I got but maybe like all things, it's just me) so she was appointed spokesman of the day.

And my dad's answer that day they remember. Perhaps too well.

I think the conversation went something like this. Ria asked if I was allowed out. And my dad said, sure just let her come back home before the sun goes down.

Sebelum matahari terbenam was the exact phrase. And they would quote it to my face now whenever the opportunity presents itself.

R: err can we make it earlier? I had to go in the evening.
Andri: whatt? you've got to be back before the sun goes down?

Which really, makes me feel like I'm a werewolf of some kind, working the twisted internal clock.

Anyway. I want to pay compliment to Nick Horby's short story. It's called NippleJesus. It's probably the best short story I've read so far. And not just because of the fancy title. It drives home a point, it makes sense and it's hillarious.

I don't ask for much in a story, really.

Grinning Goat at 5/18/2006 12:36:00 AM pontificated

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{buzzz out}

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Bugger

Let me start by quoting Colin Firth

"What I reckon is: everyone's a loony. However normal anyone seems, deep down inside they're actually mental, every single person in the world and the whole of your life you have to learn not to seem mental to other people, who are all mental, too.

Deep down, you speak different language - you talk in a loony language which which doesn't talk in your voice, I don't know. Maybe it screams loudly or something. I mean we're all born mental, aren't we? if you think how babies act - we really don't stop being like that. Everyone wants to scream loudly, and grab things without asking and break them, but it's not allowed, is it?

So what you have to have is a kind of anti-mental translator device, which translates all your mentalness into normal speech and you've got to learn to use it, and it's got to be working properly - or you get found out for being a loony"

Whoever said talking to yourself is mental?

People talk to themselves all the time. In their head.
Why are they looking at me like that? Have I zipped up my pants? God who's the brilliant chap who invented pants with zippers?
Of course you'd say this is interesting you bugger, now get me out of this lecture theatre.
Yadda yadda yadda stop blabbering the lot of you.

You must be crazy to be talking to yourself like that.
That's a social onstruction designed to obscure the fact that everyone's a loony. Nobody's normal. Or rather, everybody's weird and when everybody's weird, everybody's normal. Like one big happy dysfunctional family.

Does it offend you to be called weird?
That one was pretty straightforward. I mean it's not like you've got freckles and people say you're special rather than saying the sun's been mean to you and your skin traitorous. Or being called vertically challenged for being short, which isn't much of a eupheumism to begin with. One kid came to me once asking, why are you so big? I wanted to say because I want to star in Supersize Me but the kid probably wouldn't know what I was talking about and while I was thinking this I must have put on this expression that scared the bejesus out of her because she left me alone after that.

See? Better the demon you know than the demon you don't know.

What's with your expression?
What's with my expression?
It's expresionless
Is there a problem?
Yes, it's not a friendly expression

Or so I was told.

Anyway, don't you think you could put your life in a CD? As a series of songs being played back to back?

After I've dropped my phone down the toilet bowl. I've only used two ring tones. One is Joe Satriani's Starry Night. I like it because I think half the population doesn't know what song it is so they can't guess the song title in their head when my phone rings in public and feel pretty damn smug about it. Except in the band room when people can just ask me incredulously, still Satriani? like it's the most normal thing in the world to ask and I know that I've been beaten hands down. And of course there's the satisfaction of listening to the song which is grand in its rythmic uncommon sort of way.

I traded Satriani's Starry Night with Train's Drop of Jupiter for the sake of a trade. Which seemed like a good idea at the time and still does now. Because it turned out to be one of those annoying periods where everybody seemed irksome and Drops of Jupiter became a kind of a pain in the sorry arse to hear now. Which makes Satriani shines like a knight in shining armor now.

Yesh, I'm back to Satriani. Train has become a kind of a bearer of bad news and messenger of noisy catfights.

If you can judge people by their ring tones, I'd be happy to let you listen.

There are several types of people in the ring tone category.

1. People who can't be arsed to change the default tone. Perhaps simplicity is bliss. (which is never true for hair before a ball)

2. People who have chinese songs as their ring tone. There's the irritating God-someone-tell-this-shrieky-woman-to-stop-singing ring tone and there's the other one which is as melodramatic but more bearable.

3. People who have english song as their ring tone. Not just any english song, mind you, it's got to be the recent top of the billboard song. Nevermind that they sound like crap.

4. Kinky people with funny ring tones. Pre-recorded ones maybe. Like your son's first word, which is eerie if you think about putting your phone next to you at night but thoroughly understandable.

5. The Classic trueblue and the classic rip off. The label should speak for itself.

6. Polyphonic. I HATE POLYPHONICS. Enough said.

Point number 5 reminds me about what Mark Twain once said, a classic is a book which people praise but not read. Which says a lot about the classic rip off category.

Do you know why there are so many songs out there? Because you'll need a lot of them.

You need a bathing song.
A good memory song.
A bad memory song.
An alarm clock song. This alone should take up a lot of space because an alarm clock song is a song which, nomatter how fond you are of it in the beginning, you'll bound to hate in the end so you'll need to stock up a lot on these.

By the time you retire you'll have this whole collection of loathable songs that were your alarm clock.
Well if you're not a song alarm clock kind of guy then good for you. But I always thought that a song is less depressing than a stupid ring ring.

It's not stupid. My mom said that whenever I append the adjective stupid to my sentence, even if the word is entirely appropriate in my context (but I suppose my context tends to be different from everybody else's)
It's not?
No, it's not stupid, it's just annoying.
What's the difference?

Weird.
Normal.
What's the difference?

Grinning Goat at 5/17/2006 03:28:00 PM pontificated

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{buzzz out}

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

CALVIN AND HOBBES

Calvin: (looking at his reflection in the mirror) Made in God's own image, yes sir!
Hobbes: God must have a goofy sense of humour.

Calvin: Everybody seeks happiness! Not ME, though! That's the difference between me and the rest of the world. Happiness isn't good enough for me, I demand EUPHORIA!
Hobbes:...
Calvin: The problem with you, Hobbes, is you're always at a loss for words.
Hobbes: I've found that saves many a friendship.

Calvin: Why should I take a bath? I'm just going to get dirty again.
Calvin: Why should I brush my teeth? I'm just going to eat again.
Calvin: Why should I comb my hair? It's just going to get messed up again.
Calvin: I'd rather be efficient than hygienic

Calvin: if you could have anything in the world right now, what would it be?
Hobbes: hmmm...
Calvin: Anything at all! whatever you want!
Hobbes: a sandwhich
Calvin: A SANDWHICH?!? WHAT KIND OF STUPID WISH IS THAT? Talk abotu failure of imagination. I'd ask for a trillino nillion dollars, my own space shuttle and a private continent!
Hobbes: I got MY wish

Calvin: I need some help with my homework, Hobbes
Hobbes: what's the assignment?
Calvin: I'm supposed to write a paper that represents both sides of an issue and then defends one of the arguments.
Hobbes: What's your issue?
Calvin: That's the problem. I can't think of anything to argue.
Hobbes: That's hard to believe.
Calvin: I'm always right and everybody else is always wrong! What's to argue about?!


Dear Santa,

Every year at this time I send you a list of what I want for Christmas. And every year you callously ignore it and bring me practical things I don't want at all, what's the deal? ARE YOU INSANE?? HAVE YOU GONE SENILE?? CAN'T YOU READ?? OR ARE YOU JUST A VINDICTIVE,TWISTED ELF BENT ON DESTROYING LITTLE KIDS' DREAMS?!?!

Hobbes: you might want to sleep on this one.
Calvin: I know, but it felt good to write it

Oh, this is something I found to be true of the education system around here.

Test:
1. When did the pilgrims land at Plymouth Rock?

Answer:
1620
As you can see, I've memorized this utterly useless fact long enough to pass a test question. I now intend to forget it forever. You've thought me nothing except how to cynically manipulate the systems. Congratulations.

Calvin: I couldn't believe it! The bell rang just as the teacher was about to collect the homework I didn't do!
Hobbes: That's twice you've been saved at the last minute.
Calvin: But I've learned my lesson this time. From now on, it's work before pleasure, no exceptions!
Calvin: and it will be a PLEASURE to have that homework done! C'mon let's work on a snowman.
Hobbes: No exceptions.

Calvin: Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak.
Hobbes: probably so we can think twice.

Calvin: This bad grade is lowering my self-esteem
Mrs. Wormwood: then you should work harder so you don't get bad grades
Calvin: your denial of my victimhood is lowering my self-esteem

Calvin: pssst, susie! what's the answer to question 2?
Susie: "Eli whitney and the cotton gin"
Calvin: but this is a math problem
Susie: It's a trick question
Calvin: how come you wrote something different?
Susie: I'm going to get this question wrong so it won't look like you copied.
Calvin: wow, thanks!
Susie: oh. I owe it to you.

Have I told you Bill Watterson's a genius?

Grinning Goat at 5/16/2006 12:47:00 AM pontificated

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{buzzz out}

Aren't they all reduced to the same thing?

People say forgive, don't take revenge, there'll be retribution

Retribution is a nice masquerade. I don't think true forgiveness should be shadowed with retribution.

Retribution is not the same thing as revenge, they say. But is it?
How can revenge and retribution not be the same thing?
Both have the intention to harm. The only difference is the executioner.

Either it's you who get down and get your hands dirty or it's somebody else. God maybe. Or some greater force out there. Either way does it matter who does it?
I suppose you may want to argue with the old concept of martial art. Whether you beat up the burglar or let him be caught by the police. But if the police ends up beating him too, is it not the same thing? the difference is you didn't do it. Other people did.

At the end of the day you want people who do you wrong to come to a sorry end.
I don't take revenge, I wait for retribution.

I don't see how revenge is not on the agenda.
Don't get me wrong, I'm all for retribution. I'm a firm believer of karma too.
All I'm saying is don't be bogus and say you have no desire to take revenge.
It's a matter of admitting to yourself that you want justice to be done.

If you think about it, wishing a retribution is a little like paying a sniper, is it not? Except that most of the time the sniper is bidding his time, he may even prop up his feet in front of the television with a bag of tortilla chips and a couple of cans of beer catching the English Premier League finals. Bottom line is you're relying on blind faith that the job be done.

True forgiveness should be devoid of all thoughts of karma.
I'm an idealist. And I suppose what I get from this all is my skepticism.
That true forgiveness doesn't exist.

Which means you won't ever be forgiven.

It's a pretty sad thought actually.
It's like the day you realise that Santa isn't real.

Just a figment of your imagination.

Love the sinner, hate the sin.
Easier said than done huh?

Grinning Goat at 5/16/2006 12:19:00 AM pontificated

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{buzzz out}

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Conspiratorial whisper of a kid

It carries the secret of the universe.
Unknown but to the two of them.
The most interesting thing in the world.
The laughter that comes without a break.

It carries with it reputation of a lifetime.
Immeasurable pride.
And trust.

That was about as far as I got staring at them because then i was moving to their full view (because of this supid cockroach in the windowsill). Then they stared at me. And started whispering again.

I used to whisper conspiratorially too and then something happened.
I grew up.

Grinning Goat at 5/14/2006 12:27:00 PM pontificated

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{buzzz out}

Friday, May 12, 2006

When humour and philosophy don't necessarily have to be without each other

Quoting Bill Watterson:

As my artist's statement explains, my work is utterly incomprehensible and is therefore full of deep significance.

God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind that I will never die.

Hobbes: Do you think there's a God?
Calvin: Well, SOMEBODY'S out to get me.

I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each other's dreams, we can play together all night.

If your knees aren't green by the end of the day, you ought to seriously re-examine your life.

It seems like once people grow up, they have no idea what's cool.

The strength to change what I can, the inability to accept what I can't, and the incapacity to tell the difference.

Mothers are the necessity of invention.

People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.

Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer... Who'd have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously?

Oh, great altar of passive entertainment, bestow upon me thy discordant images at such speed as to render linear thought impossible!

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

Talking with you is sort of the conversational equivalent of an out of body experience.

Childhood is short and maturity is forever.

The world of a comic strip ought to be a special place with its own logic and life... I don't want the issue of Hobbes's reality settled by a doll manufacturer.

There is not enough time to do all the nothing we want to do.

Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.

I used to hate writing assignments, but now I enjoy them. I realized that the purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure poor reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog!

Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.

Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said, "I think I'll drink whatever comes out of these things when I squeeze 'em!"?

Grinning Goat at 5/12/2006 02:46:00 PM pontificated

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{buzzz out}

The Torment of Existence Weighed against the Horror of Non-being

If you know what this title represents, you and I have something in common.

Bill Watterson makes the BEST comic strip.

Grinning Goat at 5/12/2006 01:48:00 PM pontificated

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{buzzz out}

What you should pass down to your kids

You know what's my first love?

It's not pop. Hell no. It wasn't even rock. Nor was it jazz.
It's ROCK AND ROLL. They don't quite make the music like that no more.
So all I'm saying is don't let it die down. You can forget to pass down your secret recipe for chocolate cookies but never forget to pass down rock and roll.

It's a sad world when kids know who Britney Spears is but not Jerry Lee Lewis.

Hound dog.
A little less conversation.
Blue suede shoes.
Great Balls of fire.
Burning love.
In the ghetto.
Suspicious minds.
Jailhouse rock.

yesh, I love Mr.Presley.

Grinning Goat at 5/12/2006 01:28:00 PM pontificated

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{buzzz out}

Thursday, May 11, 2006

When a picture says it all

Ok. Here's how I define "an attitude in life"



Grinning Goat at 5/11/2006 09:01:00 PM pontificated

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{buzzz out}

Free Loop

This is one of those songs that Ono recommend that actually sits well with me.
Daniel Powter's Free Loop, ladies and gentleman.

It should explain the high infidelity rate around here. But that's just my interpretation and the last time I interpreted an sms for my dad, he said gimme the phone.

Ah but if there's one thing I learnt, in all aspects of our lives, we could all do with better jokes.

I'm a little used to calling outside your name
I wont see you tonight so I can keep from going insane
But I don't know enough, I get some kinda lazy day
Hey yeah

I've been fabulous through to fight my town a name
I'll be stooped tomorrow if I don't leave as them both the same
But I dont know enough, I get some kinda lazy day
Hey yeah

Cause it's hard for me to lose
In my life I've found only time will tell
And I will figure out that we can baby
We can do a one night stand, yeah

And it's hard for me to lose in my life
I've found outside your skin right near the fire
That we can baby
We can change and feel alright

I'm a little used to wandering outside the rain
You can leave me tomorrow if it suits you just the same
But I don't know enough, I need someone who leaves the day
Hey yeah

Cause it's hard for me to lose
In my life I've found only time will tell
And I will figure out that we can baby
We can do a one night stand, yeah

And it's hard for me to lose in my life
I've found outside your skin right near the fire
That we can baby
We can change and feel alright

Grinning Goat at 5/11/2006 08:20:00 PM pontificated

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{buzzz out}

The horsie with my name

As promised, this is the excerpts from Colin Bateman's "The Horse With My Name".
This book, the plot's utter crap in my opinion but Bateman's sense of humour more than compensates. Which is saying something, because really, how do you exactly compensate utter crap?

::

I walked through the doormy doors of Church House and told them I was looking for sanctuary. They told me sanctuary was only available on Tuesdays and Thursdays between 6 and 8 p.m., and could I come back. I wasn't sure if they were joking. There were two of them, sisters from the looks of them (although, of course, not sisters in the habit and revolver sense), and they wore identical hats and looks of disdain and told me that I'd gotten the wrong day for the AA meeting. I set my can down on the counter and said I was here for marriage guidance, but I could come back for the other one. I suggested to them that they should form a larger organisation called the AAAA, for drinking drivers, but they didn't know what I was talking about.

They pointed me in the right diection, which was any direction which took me away from them, and I heard them fussing and whittering to each other as I headed for the stairs.

There are no elevators in church buildings. It's a fact. Not even for the disabled. I suppose it's something to do with ascending to heaven, or hell in the case of the marriage guidance three flights up.

::

I hurried into the gents. It was very clean. lots of mirrors. the peeing wasn't the problem, it was the washing of the hands. There was no tap to turn on the water. I had realised, of course, that it was hi-tech, just not how hi-tech. Days where you could just go for a straight pee, but this was ridiculous. I tried holding my hands under the water spout to see if it would trigger automatically, but nothing. I moved the spout left and right, down and up, but nothing. I looked for a button on the wall. There was only one and that turned the light off. I wasn't brought up to believe that cleanliness was next to godliness, but my dad did insist that my hands not smell of pish.

It wasn't fair. I had fearlessly conquered my phobia of new things. I was no longer computer illiterate. I could surf without taking a bath. I was not going to be defeated by a tap. The only reasonable conclusion was that the tap was voice-activated. I steadied myself, took a deep breath and said, "Cold water."

Nothing happened.

"Warm water"

Nothing.

Perhaps I was gettin too technical.
"Water," I said.

There came a squeak from behind me. I turned to find the owner standing there, his feet grinding into the chequered linoleum, looking a little concerned that I'd been talking to his sink.

"Sorry..." I began.
"No... I'm sorry" he said, coming forward, producing from his pocket the head of a tap. he begn to screw it into place above the fountain. "Should have done this earlier. Been cleaning the limescale"

"I thought..."
"Yeah...sorry". He looked at me. He cleared his throat.

::

"Please," I said, "I need your help"
"My help?" she looked uncertainly from me to the locked door and then back. "I'm not doing anything just to get a story. If you as much as touch your zip I'll break your neck. I'm a brown belt in judo"

I raised my hands and managed a smile, "I believe you. if you were making it up you'd have said black belt"

::

She was endearingly but impossibly cute in a wide-mouthed Julia Roberts heart-of-gold prostitute kind of way. I could imagine dancing with her, but not making love; cutting a wedding cake, but not removing her underwear. even in the direst situations I found myself thinking things like that about women. I presumed it was universal, a male thing; of course I would never find out; as a species we don't talk about things like that. The closest we ever get is mentally filling in the survey in the six-month-old copy of Cosmopolitan you find yourself reading because the butch girl next to you in the doctor's waiting room has already nabbed the only copy of Autocar.

::

"I need help"
"I can't, Dan"
"C'mon"
"Dan, last time..."
"I know what happened last time"

She sighed, "What sort of help?"
"Moral support"
"You can have that"
"Somewhere to put my head down"
"No"
"Money"
"No"
"A car"
"No"

::

Well that'd be all for today folks. I have a bus to catch.

The thing about holidays is that you miss your friends. And they haven't even been gone that long. Yet.

Grinning Goat at 5/11/2006 12:44:00 PM pontificated

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{buzzz out}

Sunday morning

Ah. When it's holiday, everyday is sunday morning.

Sunday morning rain is falling
Steal some covers share some skin
Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable
You twist to fit the mold that I am in
But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do
And I would gladly hit the road get up and go if I knew
That someday it would lead me back to you
That someday it would lead me back to you

That may be all I need
In darkness she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow on sunday morning
And I never want to leave

Fingers trace your every outline
Paint a picture with my hands
Back and forth we sway like branches in a storm
Change the weather still together when it ends

That may be all I need
In darkness she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow on sunday morning
And I never want to leave

But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do
Sunday morning rain is falling and I'm calling out to you
Singing someday it'll bring me back to you
Find a way to bring myself back home to you

And you may not know
That may be all I need
In darkness she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow on sunday morning
Drivin slow

Grinning Goat at 5/11/2006 10:30:00 AM pontificated

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{buzzz out}

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Kids

Oh I just remember this incident. The other day I saw Danny relief-teach next door.

There's this kid who submitted his composition.
Danny: (frowning) are you sure you can write things like this?
R: (being the busybody that I am) what did he write?
Danny: here read this

I looked at the piece of paper.
" I was thinking you know like maybe he'll like try to like do something..."

I gave Danny a look.
Then he gave the kid a look.
And then the kid just shrugged.

I must say boys write some very interesting composition. It's never proper. There's always something weird going on in the plot. I was shocked when I first read Ono's composition.

Now I'm getting used to it. So used to it that I'm starting to write weird stuff. I think.

Grinning Goat at 5/10/2006 02:29:00 AM pontificated

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{buzzz out}

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

A crack in the head

We were arguing about where the word "beta" from the song "ayo mama jangan mama marah beta" comes from. I thought it was Makasar. Then Darlene said it was Maluku. Then Sentot nodded his head agreeing that indeed it was Ambon, Maluku.

And then Sean said that beta is Hindi.

I burst out laughing. This turns out to be a bit of a faux pas because everybody kind of turned to look at me like I was mental. Which I actually was, ever since my mother forgot to turn me in my sleep when I was a baby so I grew up with this flat head and this flatness is like a dent that should have been the extra space in my head.

I wanted to stop laughing midway but it would be a little like trying to swallow a vomit that's already in your oesophagus and swallowing boke kills people so I didn't.
If you think so too: great minds think alike (fools seldom differ too but I'm trying to be optimistic)

Anyway I was supposed to be doing Incubus' Wish you were here.
That song wasn't one I fell in love with but that song grows on me.

Some songs just grow on you, y'know.
I call it, you hate it til you like it

My head itches. My mom's trying out this thing she just bought on me. I asked her if my hair would look like some village girl's in the morning but she said I can just wash it and it'll go back to normal so I let her experiment.

Grinning Goat at 5/09/2006 10:59:00 PM pontificated

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{buzzz out}

sticking faithfully to mind

Thoughts you have before you go to bed must be pretty strong.

I dreamt of balding.

In several places actually. Like patches.

Grinning Goat at 5/09/2006 04:10:00 PM pontificated

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{buzzz out}

Monday, May 08, 2006

ahem

My mother was in the dressing room trying out stuff. I looked at the mirror and managed to convince myself that I'm balding.

Grinning Goat at 5/08/2006 07:49:00 PM pontificated

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{buzzz out}

Internal design

It was in the playlist all the time. On constant repeat. No shuffling needed.
The song is in your head.

Other people get sick of it first.
And when it's your turn to get sick, you'll just stop listening altogether.
Almost permanently.

Like raisins.

I used to like em and consumed dozens. Well we didn't exactly own a vineyard but it felt like a dozen now. Maybe not at that time. And now I plucked raisins out of bread, which is very eejit of me according to some theory. It's a little like picking parsleys out of soup you know. It tires the shite out of your hand and it'll still be there at the end of the day. Just like weed.

Okay actually I just wanted to say I'm addicted to this song. And I'm not sick yet. Is that a bad sign?

See it's a 3-minute song and I've been at it for almost two hours now. That's 120 minutes. 40 times. And I think I can still go for one more hour. That'll be 60.

3 hours is a foetus for a plane.
It's a sperm for a wine.
It's long for a paper.
It's too long for a shopping trip.
It's very young for a cow.
It's old for a milk left standing in the open on a hot sunny day.
It's very very old for a song.

God.

Grinning Goat at 5/08/2006 12:23:00 PM pontificated

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{buzzz out}

Excerpts

I couldn't resist this. Putting up excerpts of Bateman's book.

Ok this one comes from Murphy's Revenge. I have to tell you Murphy is a hell of a lot funnier than Dan Starkey. They're all very similar actually, which makes me think that maybe Bateman is like that in real life. His descriptions are probably part of his nonsense imaginations. You know those weird stuff people think about when they think noone's looking. Well actually it doesn't matter if they do look because your thoughts are kind of invisible.

That morning Murphy had bought a weighing machine. He intended to weigh himself every morning. He would keep a record. He'd bought a notebook as well in which to chart the decrease in his weight. He was going to be a lean, mean fighting machine, and then he was going to get someone to do something about his hair - cut it in such a fashion that it would disguise his encroaching baldness that without looking like a Bobby Charlton comb-over.

Murphy was aware that he was becoming obsessed with the deterioration of his body, but he couldn't help himself. Even as he ate one of Blacker's birthday buns, he was thinking about the fat contents and the calories. And then he was thinking: Am I a little bit gay or something?

And then he was thinking, Did I say that out loud? Why are they looking at me?

::

Father Mc Bride: You're not just following, are you?
Murphy: No, I'm not just following
Father Mc Bride: it's more than painting a picture
Murphy: It's more than painting a picture. Right you are
Father Mc Bride: but to what end?
Murphy: I don't know about what end. That's the thing about ends. They come at the end

::

Mc Bride: (drunk and hungover, lying on the couch, his belly thrusting out from his jeans and with curry stains on his clerical collar) it's not about the exercise bike, it's about a complete lifestyle change
Murphy: and what would you know about it, you fat fuck?
Mc Bride: A lot more than you think. My church - we play host to all kinds of groups, Weight Watchers, yoga, all that stuff... I pick things up y'know. Just I don't always put them into practise. But these things I do know: it's about balance, it's about attacking every problem, not just one, drawing up a strategy, setting achievable goals. I'd draw you a pie chart, but you'd probably eat it
Murphy: har bloody har
Mc Bride: I'm serious. I mean there's no use in excercising and doing the pies and pints. They just cancel each other out.
Murphy: I'm not bloody stupid
Mc Bride: Well, there's two schools of opinions on that

::

"Can I come home?"
"Yes, of course you can"
"You were always my favourite sister"
"No, Martin, I was always your only sister"
"Same thing, isn't it?"

::

Murphy: I don't even know if you're married yet
Carter: I'm engaged
Murphy: and you live with her, right?
Carter: yeah
Murphy: She has short blonde hair
Carter: It's darker now and longer
Murphy: It's Beth
Carter: It's Louise
Murphy: Who was Beth?
Carter: I have no idea

::

Carter: who is she?
Murphy: she isn't anyone
Carter: How did you meet her?
Murphy: I just met her
Carter: so she does exist
Murphy: yes, Carter, she does exist. I'm entitled to a private life
Carter: you're entitled to holidays but you never take them
Murphy: well maybe I will if you don't leave it
Carter: your prerogative
Murphy: that's right. Can we drop it now?
Carter: of course we can

so they dropped it. For all of thirty seconds.

Carter: So, is she pretty?
Murphy: it's none of your business
Carter: so she's not
Murphy: well she is, as a matter of fact
Carter: is she an older woman?
Murphy: what do you mean, older woman?
Carter: your age
Murphy: Christ
Carter: so she is
Murphy: she's a grown woman, she's not some flirty wee tart
Carter: Are you talking about my fiancee?
Murphy: No, Carter, that's just your own insecurity coming through. I've never met Beth
Carter: it's not Beth
Murphy: whoever

I'm gonna do another one on The Horse with my name on it (must be a damn fine horse).

But that's for later.
When the temptation to write comes again or when I'm bored playing Gunbound. Whichever comes first.

Grinning Goat at 5/08/2006 09:14:00 AM pontificated

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{buzzz out}

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Toxic dosage

See I get several responses when I said I like vacations and I like sleeping (well the two aren't exactly mutually exclusive but sleeping kind of comes with the territory)

There's the "this kid with no future" (in chinese actually but since wedy said I better said realisable goal about what I want to do during the holiday when I said I wanted to learn some chinese I thought there's some truth in what she said and that the only realisable things I can achieve is to get back my addiction to Gunbound because you know with gunbound, you can shoot people's head off and they're still fine on the other side of the world but you just feel good shooting them because you don't do a lot of shooting in real life)

There's the "that's what you said now, let's see what you say in a month's time"
to which I replied that that was just a pathetic attempt at bursting my baloon because I'm still perfectly content now that it's a holiday. Besides I can find a lot of things to do, like read every single novel of Colin Bateman's. The whole repository (what is a this some old library's archive?) of them. That should take about a month. It'll do nicely to plug this gaping whole in my life when NUS is taken out of the equation.

I haven't reached that toxic stage just yet. You know when you get:
a) too lazy to read
b) too lazy to play
c) too lazy to watch tv
d) too lazy to go out
e) too lazy to watch a movie
f) too lazy to swim
g) too lazy to breathe

In fact ever since we got ourselves a recorder we've been recording like nobody's business. Why, we even record for the sake of pilot-testing the timer to see if it works. It works actually. Which pissed my mom off because I kind of forgot to record her show and I only remembered it halfway so she got several half-hour show with tail but no head at the "most interesting part".

so yes, holiday is about having copious copious amount of tv, games, food and sleep.
Oh and Bateman.

I forgot he was called Bateman. God all I remember was Colin. Even then I had no idea if there's an extra "l". Then I searched for Collin and stumbled on Collin Powel and I kind of decided the Colin must be Colin and not Collin because Collin Powel just can't be in the same category as this Colin I was looking for. It was just the way you know how Condoleeza Rice just doesn't go with Oprah. (What, she has been on her show before? if she has, change that to Inul Daratista)

It turns out that a lot of parents find the name Colin a lot more endearing than Collin. They had dozens of entries under Colin. A thousand over actually. So i was clicking away when dedel stood beside me drumming her fingers (well not exactly but I think she must be drumming invisible fingers in her head) and then asked if I was going to click on them one by one (because I think some people have better things to do than wait for this idiot who's so hell bent in finding this elusive Colin that might well be a Collin who's been on to Oprah in reality). So I was just spewing some crap talk so she'd forget I was clicking away which was kind of useless actually because she could see the computer screen and I was ony in the region of 100.

Bateman. right.

Next time I'd remember the superhero's name.
Batman. Bateman. What's the difference?
One is funnier. Probably.

I never really did that. Associate people's name with some nonsense things that can help with the memory. Unless weird chinese names that I thought sound erhh out of place with my limited knowledge in chinese. The name of this particular Taiwan president comes to mind.

Right.

I'm going back to the game room to thrash some kid and put them in their place.

Grinning Goat at 5/07/2006 10:51:00 AM pontificated

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{buzzz out}

Saturday, May 06, 2006

Losing touch

I see John Grisham losing his touch. I see Crichton losing a bit of his touch too in State of Fear but Bateman. He's far from losing his touch.

God I love his book. Colin Bateman is one hell of a funny guy.

If I were to be a writer one day, it would be marvellous to write like he does.

It's a work of art.

Grinning Goat at 5/06/2006 03:14:00 PM pontificated

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{buzzz out}

Thursday, May 04, 2006

'tis a season to be jolly

It's vacation time.

I'm taking a break from school. NUS. And all that it represents.

Grinning Goat at 5/04/2006 12:37:00 PM pontificated

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{buzzz out}

Monday, May 01, 2006

Mannnnnnnnn

So whose family do you wanna pick?
There's a lot of things happening at Ron's.
So you'll pick Ron's?
(Fart)
(stare)
Listen to me
(stare)
Listen to me but don't listen to the background
Huahahahahahahahaha

Grinning Goat at 5/01/2006 08:51:00 PM pontificated

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{buzzz out}

Huahahahhaahahahhahaahahaha

Wedy: (from the kitchen) NOBODY WANTS TO TRY MY COOKING HUHHH???

(phone ringing)
Ono: hello?

R: (from the living room) AHHHHHH I WANT I WANTTTTTTTTTTT

Ono's friend: eh what show are you watching? How come there's a girl screaming?

And when Ono told me that he said he almost wanted to say that his sister is in the cast.

Huahahahhahahahahahahahahahahha

Grinning Goat at 5/01/2006 08:40:00 PM pontificated

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{buzzz out}

In the midst of it all

See I was memorising these things that I won't remember 3 days from now when someone played this song on the radio. It's from the Don and Drew Show. It's called Be My Valentine.


Be My Valentine

Girl you don't know me, but I sure know you.
From your long black hair, to the size of your shoe.
I've met your brother, spoken to some of your friends.
But darling, that's where it ends.

'Coz baby all I wanna do is talk to you.
To buy u a drink, maybe buy you some food.
But I'm a geek and I'm nervous half of the time,
So would you be, would you be mine...

Be my valentine,
We'll go out about town to dine.
Be my valentine,
I'll get you drunk on cheap red wine.
Be my valentine,
Now that's when I touch your behind.
Be my valentine,
That would be so fine...

I'll pretend I'm like the rest of morons you picked.
I'll even sit through yet another chick flick.
And if we argue I'll let you win the fight,
Just as long as I get to have sex that night.

But all you ever wanted to do is sit and talk.
And go for one of those damn long walks.
I just want to see you naked, is that a crime?
So I'm asking you, would you be my...

Be my valentine,
You'll have your clothes off in no time.
Be my valentine,
Our bodies will be entwined.
Be my valentine,
Don't tell me I'm not your kind.
If you're not my valentine,
I will break your spine.

Baby you're a hottie, Baby you're a fox.
I treasure you more than my X-Box.
I'll run about naked in the streets if you asked me too...
And even if you're angry and you kicked me in the nuts,
I'm the only guy who'll never ever hate your guts.
So please say you will baby 'coz I'm asking you...

Be my valentine,
Baby you look so fine.
Be my valentine,
Ahhh... Ummm... And your bun is just divine.

Won't you be my valentine,
Please please don't decline.
Won't you be my valentine,
Baby baby can't you read the signs.
Won't you be my valentine
Stupid girl, you stupid girl, just be mine.

Won't you be my valentine
I'll ______________ (no idea about this part they kinda mumbled)
You'll continue my blood line.
Be my valentine,
This one I swear is benign, Don't treat me like Frankenstein.
Be my valentine,
I have no more words that rhyme.
Really?
Except for lime.

Just be mine, be my valentine.
I think about you.
A lot, really.
I've never felt this way before.
Honestly...

Hope that was entertaining.

Grinning Goat at 5/01/2006 07:39:00 PM pontificated

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{buzzz out}