Thursday, July 28, 2005

SCRAPE OFF THOSE PVC PIPES. IT's ABOUT TIME they are.

If you want to know what provoke such a strong response from me. This DID. I wrote this last week when i was still in an unstable state of mind (I definitely have become more civilized since then) to prevent me from murdering the first kid I saw on the street.

Enjoy.




Just WHAT is THE PROBLEM with primary school kids nowadays??? Their idea of a good teacher is one who'd give them all the good phrases to use and let them copy it into their composition. First of all I am always under this assumption that people who write things like this: Pristine white sky that overshadowed his turquoise blue eyes....blablabla (or use big words like "conundrums" )must be either

1) Freaking good in his English. That'd be what I call a NATURAL; or
2) Some half-assed copycat who memorized phrases out of shitty novels and reproduce them confidently thinking it's some big shit when (I think) it's no more than some bombastic overrated crap that everybody uses and think is cool (when it's MILLIONS OF LIGHT KILOMETERS AWAY from being "cool" because hey if EVERYBODY uses them, how the hell can it be cool????) You either write a very decent, flowery essay or a rip-off essay full of big words and nice phrases stringed together disjointedly (which almost always turns out to be a big fat disappointing bollocks of a masterpiece)


Of course, since the statistics points out that NOT that many people are NATURALS, then 90% of the population would go to the second category wouldn't it? Spoon feeding is no big deal huh? I mean what's the big problem if students can answer a question perfectly?

Teacher: So tell me one of the processes by which water is recycled by nature, from rain until it reaches the water bodies
Students: (chanting in unison like some big old oafs) the water perforates through the ground until it reaches the water table

I suppose it's good news that students can reproduce the perfect answer with the highest degree of accuracy even when they don't know the meaning of the word perforates???
It's not bloody spoon-feeding anymore. We're feeding these kids with a huge (football-field-size) PVC PIPES.

Oh but that's alright isn't it? Because in the end all that matters is that one little piece of paper you submitted to the PSLE examiner? WHO CARES IF YOU SIMPLY MEMORISE GOOD PHRASES to achieve the desired effect???

In fact I loathe common nice phrases like, "shouting at the top of his voice/lungs". Can't you be more creative and say maybe- I don't know- something like, "shouting yourself so hoarse the cough drop company personally congratulates you for boosting their drug sales"????

And why can't kids just SHUT UP??? Why does it take me bruising my thumb, banging my hand on the table just to shut the freaking thing up??? When it's not even worth it because hey, who the hell is he?? He's not even MY KID to begin with. Let the parents do the disciplining for goodness’ sake.

And this absolutely horrendous kid (the NOISIEST of the NOISIEST) had the cheek to say I don't teach them anything. When he's actually competing with me for SOUND WAVE SPACE every seconds of the way when I'm teaching (the way he kept blabbering non-stop) and refused to write an essay that's decently long enough, earning me the status of "the teacher who teaches SIMPLER stuff and give her students SHORT essays"). Parents, you're welcome to attend my class to see how YOUR OWN KID refuses to start writing when told to.

Why don't they just buy a classic (Enid Blyton or Charles Dickens), copy and recreate the good phrases in it if it's ALL they’re after anyway? Why bother to listen to me teach??? Tuition fee: $50 bucks over. A classic sold in popular: UNDER $6. Do you see that? See the BETTER option? Oh and who cares about grammar, right???

I used to have this friend whose English was nothing brilliant. She didn't use any big words in her composition. But she certainly did impress me with her FLUENCY. Her essays were actually ENJOYABLE to read. Not full of bullshit, overrated phrases. Hell it was close to ORIGINAL.

And once one teacher spoon-feeds you, you just feel sooooo good when some other teacher who rejects the concept of HOSE-FEEDING comes along, she just looks a hell of a lot paler in comparison. So pale, in fact that the principal of the tuition centre needs the OLD teacher BACK to teach in a session where the NEW teacher would sit in (and supposedly LEARN the old teacher's TECHNIQUES)

I may be fiery in defending myself and the content of this essay may be filled to the brim with shouts of injustices that may not be justified in the first place (you're free to point out any flaws in my argument and set my thinking straight; ORRRR you can just nod along with me and be pleasant), the bottom line is this: It was a personal insult. It was a personal insult to have someone –anyone- implies that I can't teach.

And to tell you the truth I am not writing this essay now, I was writing it in my head on my way back from the tuition centre. Imagine all those information being stored on my head all the way from Yishun to Serangoon when more important things like "the effect of Yuan appreciation on the Indonesian economy" are idling out there outside the reach of my brain. If I can store half as much information on Organic Chemistry equations the last two semester, I'd have gotten a freaking A+.

It's about freaking TIME we scrape off those PVC pipes. Dismantle the WHOLE pumbing system. REVAMP the whole underground pipes.

WHAt happen to "TEACH LESS,LEARN MORE"?

We're still at "TEACH MORE,MEMORIZE MORE AND LEARN LESS" for goodness sake.

Grinning Goat at 7/28/2005 06:59:00 PM pontificated

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{buzzz out}

Spite is as spite does

Message to my readers.

Dear readers, I really need your sound advice on this one. I seriously AM tempted to just quit it and shove this letter to their face. To hopefully spite the whole Goddamn admin together with the freaking kids and their equally fucked parents. Pardon the language.

Advantages of NOT quiting:
1) the money
2) the money
3) the money
4) the money

Advantages of QUITTING:
1) TO HELL WITH THOSE KIDS. SCREW THEIR PSLE
2) Cause problem by quitting suddenly since they probably do NOT have any relief teacher at the ready.
3) Preserve my dignity
4) Not getting killed (either by the kids by having high blood pressure and a painful heart attack or by drowning myself in ALL my SIX-modules text books and turn into a complete geek that everybody loves)

And please do not say, "why does it seem like you have more advantages quitting than not"? Because there's a REASON why I put option 1) to 4) as "MONEY".

Soooooooo my darling darling readers, do extend your valuable service and advise me on this matter, weighing BOTH my advantages and disadvantages.

Thank you before that, may you be blessed with unruly, unosey kids (okay maybe just KID without the s because, certainly one is ENOUGH???) with BIG brain (one full of folds too) that can COMPREHENDS THE CONCEPT OF THINKING SKILLS AND THE NEED TO WRITE THEIR COMPOSITION FOR THEMSELVES.

Cheers
Ross


And see if it's worth all the trouble to shove THIS to their face:


Principal

Dear Sir/Madam


RE: RESIGNATION


First of all I would like to applaud your tuition centre for it certainly is well run. I have however several issues to point out which would shed into light certain matter some parents have brought up ever since I took over from Ms. Tan. Perhaps I have underestimated the extent with which teachers in general here spoon-feed their students. I tried to invoke some thinking skills in your students with no avail. I taught them how to write, not what to write in their composition -a different method of teaching they are not accustomed too. It was seen unfortunately as incompetence on my part.


It is my greatest regret that such teaching style does not fit in our society. Thinking skill as I have learnt, would serve us well in life. Of course I was not one to change the system. As Prime Minister Lee pointed out, "teach less, learn more". Perhaps weaning the children off spoon-feeding is a slow and painful process but I firmly believe it is the essential giant leap our education system needs if it was to progress further.


I understand that your tuition centre needs to look into parents' concern and that their demands would be the baseline for your teachers to anchor before they could start executing their study plan. It was unfortunate that the goal to invoke thinking skills in these students tends to be overshadowed by the need to achieve instantaneous visible results. Perhaps people may view this as an unrealistic ideals of a belligerent youth but I cannot, in good conscience, work in a way that violates this very belief. Nor do I wish to impose my belief further seeing how parents have responded negatively to my attempts. (More like: I don't freaking wish to work in a place where my belief is being cast off with careless abandon but I thought the surely the principal wouldn't be impressed by that?)


I sincerely hope my resignation ease the parents' undue concern (you bet it's UNDUE) and I wish you luck in the running of the tuition centre. (Because sir you're gonna need a lot of luck with the way things are run now.)


Yours faithfully

Grinning Goat at 7/28/2005 06:48:00 PM pontificated

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{buzzz out}

Saturday, July 16, 2005

Teacherly bow and teacherly croak

I hate it when I've thought of a brilliant title and then forgot all about it. See now I'll have to make do with "teacherly bow and teacherly croak" which sounds hardly elegant at all.

You know what's the sad thing about teaching a bunch of kids? Of course there's the pain-in-the-ass rudeness, unbelievably unbearable noise level and the smell but that's not the sad thing (that's the annoying thing more like) The sad thing is that nomatter how interesting you make the lesson to be, they'll always be HAPPIEST when the lesson ENDS. Which makes me ask, really if there's any point in making lessons interesting at all.

and then there are always boys who'll try to bootlick their way through, agreeing on every single thing I said like it's some divine guidance, nodding their heads mindlessly, echoing my preach. And why can't I just bask in glory when they do that? Why can't I just think, my goooodddd I'm such an EXCELLENT EXCELLENT teacher? I suppose it's not advisable to tell them to shut it when they're the ones who are actually listening to me without me doing much threatening.

And a couple of parents came to see me today.

There's this particular one asking me to MARK their kids' essay. I mean of course I WILL mark their kids' work (that's part of my job description) but must I put an ABSOLUTE mark there? That's a little like cornering the kids isn't it? I mean improvement in your english doesn't always have to be measured by grades. I thought the point of having an education is to learn the language so you can use it well? why does it depend on my judging skill?

I can tell if someone's english is bad or good but to grade them is just evil. Because if you want me to use the best of the best and the lousiest of the lousiest as the benchmark then I'd have to fail quite a lot of people. To tell you the truth there's a HUGE gap between my best student in the class and my worst. My worst can kill me straight off the handle with his bad english (making a sentence without a subject, can you imagine??) My worst student can ask me how to spell "ABOUT" while my best knows what aggravate means and spell it perfectly.

How can I in good conscience fail so many people when I know their mother would come charging at their children screaming their heads off asking them why they scored so badly. And there's also the problem of my friend being their previous teacher. Our grading would probably be DIFFERENT. I might be more strict and fail them many many times and what would the mother say? Why their kids fare so badly??? Would they look at the DIFFERENT teacher who grade their kids? I THINK NOT.

They'd look at the ABSOLUTE MARKS. That's what I hate about this society. Meritocracy or not.

She said she wanted to know if her daughter "improves". For one thing, you cannot for the love of God (and out of respect for your own intelligence) say that this is a test to my teaching ability because I would be grading them. If I were to be dishonest I can just make everybody pass with flying colours occasionally to keep the parents happy.

But that's not the point at all is it?
I want them to improve IN SCHOOL, not at the tuition centre. I mean, take a look at how your kids are doing in school for goodness sake, what does it matter how they do at the tuition centre? The point is not to keep parents happy. I am going to be strict to give the students a shot of reality. How it feels to fail. And if they don't like it then what are they going to do about it? Would they STOP TALKING when I'm explaining? Because to tell you the truth at this rate sometimes I wonder what they're learning in school at all. If they're listening at all.

I'm not questioning the credibility of school teachers. Hell, no. I'm just saying you can't expect so much from teachers. Teachers can teach but whether they're being listened to is an entirely different matter. An entirely different matter that is crucial to the students' learning process. And you may think that the jurisdiction is blurred but it's perfectly clear to me. Whatever you do, punishments are best inflicted by parents, not teachers. Because I sure as hell don't want to be responsible for their upbringing. Just look at what happened to the Nan Chiau Principal the other day.

And you can't really blame the teachers for failing to make their students listen. How can you if the punishments/threats needed to make them listen are not even part of their jurisdiction??? (Not that I want it to be)

Cut teachers some slack.

I had two new students from Taiwan too. People who are older than me. University undergraduates who came here to learn some english. They're put in the same class as my P5 students. And I actually need some help from my P5 students to translate english words to chinese while explaining the meaning of certain words. Yea yea my chinese is that bad. Probably if we were to trade place, I could be the one in TAIWAN right now sitting for the same chinese language class as taiwanese primary school students or their P5-equivalents.

It was disturbing. To be a teacher to someone older than you. To hear them call ME "teacher". I'd prefer peer-tutoring you know? Where the power base is not drawn so clear. Unlike the I-AM-THE-TEACHER-AND-YOU-ARE-THE-STUDENTS way it is now at the tuition centre.

In fact, I am not proud at all to be there. To be their teacher standing there, self-assured at the knowledge that my fluency in english separates us in status (student- LESS superior- and teacher- MORE superior) I tell you what it feels like, I feel ashamed that I am not the one in Taiwan sitting at a similar class learning some chinese.

And my P5 students with bad manners commented (LOUDLY) about how short the compositions written by the Taiwanese students were. I couldn't refrain myself from telling them to shut it.

But if there's anything enjoyable at all in the teaching profession, it is the student's willingness to listen to you and (hopefully) learn. I'd rather have a stupid student that's willing to put in some extra time than a lazy-assed intelligent one.

With this I'd like to give a teacherly bow and a croak of respect to teachers out there who can stand to be IN the profession for LIFE.

Grinning Goat at 7/16/2005 10:49:00 PM pontificated

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{buzzz out}

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Remedy to my itching foot

Remedy to my itching foot: BEYBLADE

Think this is ridiculous huh?? You wouldn't believe the relief it brings.
But you need to spin it hard, ANDDDD you can't just use any beyblade. You need to use a certain hybrid that will cut through air like a knife and propel your itchiness away.

Man.

Maybe they should stop advertising beyblade as kids' toys, maybe they should start advertising it as an itch remedy. Certainly makes a better remedy than it does toys.

Grinning Goat at 7/14/2005 11:50:00 PM pontificated

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{buzzz out}

DIVINE INTERVENTION

Divine intervention now would be great. I wish I can be so optimistic in saying that people's opinions are some kind of a divine guidance. Please let it be so. I won't resort to coin-tossing.

or button-counting.

or flower-petals-plucking.

or eenie meenie miney mo.

DAmn.

Grinning Goat at 7/14/2005 12:20:00 PM pontificated

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{buzzz out}

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Playlist

It's a crime to not have these on your playlist:

1) Guns n Roses' Sweet Child of Mine
2) Shin's One Night in Beijing
3) Billy Joel's River of Dreams
4) Velvet Revolver's Fall to Pieces
5) Firehouse's I Live My Life for You

6) Tell me more (Grease)
7) Lean on Me
8) Twista's Sunshine
9) Satriani's Starry Night
10)Satiani's Surfing with the alien

11)Frank Sinatra's New York New York
12)Boys II Men's It's so hard to say goodbye
13)Goo Goo Dolls' Slide
14)Goo Goo Dolls' Big Machine
15)Goo Goo Dolls' Iris

16)Nickelback's Feelin Way Too Damn Good
17)Drowning Pool's Let the Bodies Hit the Floor
18)I'm ashamed to admit this, but: Rey Mysterio's 619 Theme song
19)Metalica's Whiskey in a jar
20)Eagle's Hotel California

21)Elvis Presley's Hound Dog
22)Babyface & Desree's Fire
23)Chingy's One Call Away
24)David Foster's Winter Games
25)Elvis Presley's Jailhouserock

26)Jerry Lee Lewis' Great Balls of fire
27)John Mayer's Clarity
28)Sweet Home Alabama
29)Stevie Wonder's Lately
30)Stevie Wonder's superstition

There a nice mix of pop, rock (classic inclusive), R&B, jazz and rock n roll

Not the conspicuous absence of trance, techno and housemusic.

Do not commit the crime.

Grinning Goat at 7/13/2005 05:51:00 AM pontificated

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{buzzz out}

FREAKIN DRUMMER

Freakin drummer can't keep the beat constant. GGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

All I did was copy and paste the frames once the beat synchronises but what happens at the end? The beat doesn't follow my frame and why is that I wonder? Must be the freakin drummer. I have more faith in Flash's time-keeping ability (come on, their accuracy is up to 12 frame per seconds!!!!) than the drummer's. Freakin drummer.

Must have changed its beat by a milisecond or something. ARRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH.

So much for matching the beat. Maybe it IS too ambitious after all.

Time to go to sleep. I'm grouchy. Besides, maybe people won't notice the beats aren't synchronised.

What are you kidding? Of course they WILL.

Freakin drummer.

Grinning Goat at 7/13/2005 04:43:00 AM pontificated

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{buzzz out}

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Who decides what's ancient

WARNING: THIS ONE WILL BORE SOME OF YOU TO TEARS

I was just overwhelmed. It's bordering on the most ambitious of the ambitious to want to match the drum beat sound to the drum beat by the drummer in flash. Pffffff.

Anyway I'm in the middle of my break doing this flash project (a 3 minute video clip can kill) so I want to talk about the picture of a mummy I put up a couple of days ago.

That mummy was thought to be some unimportant unknown figure until recently this egyptologist went to visit it in Egypt with a bunch of scientists to - well, to an effect - to exhume the mummy and carry out further studies because she believed the mummy was that of Nefertiti.

An 18th Dynasty egyptian queen. The wife of the famous pharaoh Akhenaten. You know maybe some things just never change because Akhenaten was famous for his religous revolution which caused resentment and disatisfaction.

What I found interesting is the way he even changed his name. From the given Amenhotep IV (from the word Amun- which was THE God) to Akhenaten (from the word Aten- which was the sun God). After Akhenaten's death, there appeared for a period of time this pharaoh by the name of Nefernefruaten and they suspect that this maybe Nefertiti herself resuming power.

Ancient egyptian's belief has certain similarities to Christianity and I wonder if down the line they ever cross path or even originate from the same/similar background.

It's amazing what mainstream school of thought can do to a civilization. Can you imagine marrying your sister/brother at this time and age? consider the social stigma. Yet at that time, sibling marriages were common within the royal families. This was in accordance to this belief that Gods marry one another to give birth to new Gods. (the God Osiris marrying his sister Isis to give birth to a son-Horus)
And since pharaoh was given divine status, perhaps this intramarriages were done to further distinguish them from the commoner and enhance their divine status.

Yet, they have no sufficient evidence to say that this inbreeding caused considerable effects on the gene pool in terms of physical defects. I was thinking of maybe the high infant mortality rate that may play a part in concealing the effects of inbreeding.


It is hard for me to imagine them as an ancient civilization. In terms of social structure,interaction and practices, nothing much has changed.

1) Equal status between man and wife in a patriarchal society where male still dominates but women enjoy their privileges and are capable of independent decision-making in the household. That is something like what we have now isn't it?

2) Homosexuality. I wouldn't so far as to say that ancient egyptians invented homosexuality and passed it down. But isn't it amazing that they already had that more than 5000 thousand years ago when we're still here thinking homosexuality is the child of new age modernisation? And the fact that they also discourage the practice of homosexual activities? the similarities are striking. Except that maybe there were no serial gay basher back then.

They got it right the first time around.

3) Circumcision. They may not be aware of its hygienic significance (removal of foreskin prevents accumulation of bacteria and smegma, recently shown to be carcinogenic)but they got it right too. Circumcision it seems was some kind of a religious ritual. But what if circumcision did started out as a religious ritual before the field of medicine developed and people simply continued with the practice because of the hygienic advantages (and over time the original purpose was forgotten)?

4) Poetry. Pornography and Erotica.
Surprised, are you? Depiction of naked humans and erotic writings in papyrus were perhaps not prevalent but they did exist. And the difference between now and then is the fact that ancient egyptians lived so close to nature that this was not something to be ashamed of or shunned. Representation of a sex act was never taboo in egyptian art. There was no whiff of vulgarity in their literature depicting the consummation of desire.

I wonder if you can still call that pornography and erotica. The connotation attached to the two words seem to tarnish their notion of sex.



I suppose if you restrict the word "ancient" strictly to the idea of time, ancient egyptians are ancient. But as soon as the nuances of the word change, they are not ancient at all. Who are we to say that they are ancient and backward and we are modern and that we got things right?

Maybe they got things right after all.

Grinning Goat at 7/12/2005 05:08:00 PM pontificated

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{buzzz out}

Monday, July 11, 2005

The plight of the desperate

While the pain of teaching kids is still fresh on my mind, I'll write a little about what happened yesterday. You wouldn't believe how hard it is to penetrate their thick skull.

R: Soooooooooo...do you know what's the meaning of the word "editor"?
Yao Xiong: noooo
R: It's an occupation in a newspaper agency - that'd be a newspaper company
Yao Xiong: so... it's the person who writes the news?
R: No actually it's more like the person who decides which articles get published in the newspaper. Like let's say you write this story about your friend and let's say -what's your name, Shawn is it?- let's say Shawn here writes about the economic crisis in United States and the editor thinks that economic crisis is a more important topic than a story on your friend then your story won't get published
Yao Xiong: Then the writer would be very sad
R: errr yea but it's occupational hazard I suppose he should just pick a better topic next time
Yao Xiong: so the writer can sue the newspaper company
R: err no
Yao Xiong: why not?
R: ("BECAUSE I SAID SO!!!") ermm because........their job is to write, regardless of whether their article would be published or not.
Yao Xiong: and why is economic crisis more important than the story about my friend?
R: ("BECAUSE it just ISSSSS") well how do I know? I'm not the editor...


R: Judging from how you all get question 4 wrong, I take it that you don't understand the meaning of the word "jurors"...
Yao Xiong: we got question 4 wrong meh?
R: You know... let's say you steal your grandma's bun and are arrested by the police. (Yao Xiong the criminal! Hah I'd love that)
Shawn: wah..we can get arrested for stealing a bun. Can we get arrested for stealing 5 cents?
R: THAT'S NOT THE POINT


R:Okay...sooooo.....who knows what does the word "nominees" mean?
Shawn: I knowww...I know....it's _________(something totally irrelevant I can't remember what)
R: Nooooooooooooooooooo. Do you know OScar? or the Academy awards?
Yao Xiong: yea I know that (THANK GOD to the advent of excessive publicity and the invention of TV)
R: Welllll....if you are a singer and Shawn is a singer and I am a singer and this panel of judges for the Oscar thinks that my singing is not as good as the both of you, they would pick both of you to be the nominees for the Oscar
Shawn: so they're the winner?
R: No, no...a nominee has a chance to win but he may or may not win.
Yao Xiong: is it something like the Singapore Idol?
R: huhhh?? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo (to hell with excessive publicity and the invention of TV)

You know what, you just simply can't argue crap with reason.

Not to a bunch of kids who can joke about George Bush but probably have not the slightest idea about why Mr.President should be a source of a joke anyway. Besides, knowing who George Bush is without knowing the meaning of the word editor is just, as the chinese saying goes, tai guo fen.

Grinning Goat at 7/11/2005 01:45:00 AM pontificated

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{buzzz out}

Saturday, July 09, 2005

Not a model answer

I just got back from teaching kids for 8 straight hours. That's probably the leading cause of (tragic) death second only to cancer.

They are monstrous monstrous creatures with disproportionately large mouth (volume is apparently NOT proportional to body size), a liking to sit any other way than the proper way (facing the white board), a less-than-well-developed communication skills (communication involving only them talking and no listening is no skill, I presume)

But of course maybe it's just me. Maybe kids are, in reality cuddly little beings that don't sweat so much. (or think that the name "Dick" in the comprehension cloze is funny for reason unknown. They probably thought their teacher is this incredibly slow old oaf who is totally oblivious to innuendos and dirty little jokes when in truth the world is steeped in them. And oh, I assure you the name dick and its association with the phallus is NOT the slightest bit funny nor is it worth my attention. Besides I am not responsible for their sexual education so I was just sticking strictly to my jurisdiction that is the english language thank you very much)

This little creep said I have a weird accent. Then some brat asked where's my coffee (their previous teacher- my friend that is- seems to have a certain fondness for coffee and always carry a cup to class)

R: Did Ms.Tan drink coffee last week?
smartalleck: yea
smartass: no, it was milo. Last week was milo, coffee was the week before that. I saw...
R: You know what...forget I asked anything, we're not here to discuss what Ms.Tan drinks

And their energy level..... My myyyy...the collective energy of all kids in the world would probably light up the whole of United States for a month. Throw in some hyperactives and who knows it'll be a good solid year before the lights went out?
How come we're not tapping this absolutely environmentally friendly energy source???

Some rude ones got a good one minute worth of look at my black face and managed to tone down a little, but not before someone commented, "this is boring"

To which, I am ashamed to admit, I answered " oh that's too bad. Because your parents send you here"

And many times when they asked ridiculous questions I was really tempted to just lord it over them and answered BECAUSE I SAID SO.

Highly-overactive kid: Teacher, this room is hot
R: so is that my fault?

and he just shut up about the weather after that.

My God isn't it bad enough that we're trapped in this room that reeked of stale stench of sweat without someone complaining about the weather???

I can do with older kids. They shut up longer.

Grinning Goat at 7/09/2005 08:35:00 PM pontificated

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{buzzz out}

Friday, July 08, 2005

The art of sacking

A couple of days ago, my neighbour's fridge broke down. And how do I know that? I was sneaking around their house in the hope of catching a glimpse of their newly bought game of freespace that can be played in XP instead of the old and rusting Windows 98. Nahhhh. You wish. They came down here with an assortment of goods for safekeeping in our fridge, one of which includes an ice-cream my sibling thought was ours and ate by mistake and 2 bottles of milk which to tell you the truth is very tempting considering grocery shopping is in order and the state of our fridge(empty) I wish I can tell you any other reason.

Anyway they seemed to think feeding us was necessary for all this trouble and sent us some food (and Indonesian snack which Biwi thought was like something Singaporeans have but tastes different. Oh and she critisized my sister's cooking too, unknowingly, calling "what's that weird smell?" and answering "it can't have been food it smells so horrible" when I answered "my neighbour's probably cooking". Probably it'll take a couple of hours to set her thinking straight on what constitues edible food)

I've digressed.

Being the good and law-abiding citizen that we are, we washed their plates duly and went up to return them. Nobody but the maid was around. And I just have to tell you that maids are lonely. So lonely that when two nice young ladies from next door (or maybe in this case, downstairs) dropped by, the visit's objective changed suddenly from "returning the plate" to "listening to a range of available information on the family's dirty little secret"

Like what a friend of mine wrote,
"The maid may be a stranger but you've already granted her a certain degree of trust by letting her into your house and leaving her alone in it,"

So you can't complain much that the two nice young ladies here get hold of this piece of information that is the dirty little secret, can you?

Okay, enough suspense about what the dirty little secrets are.

It's the elder sister's iron-fist ruling government in the household that stops the other citizen (ehmm..siblings) from watching tv, in fact the measures taken to stop this is so extreme Wedy thought if I were to impose this on our family, she'd just revolt, being the little sister notwithstanding. (to the point of switching the Tv off when the other sibling is in the middle of watching)

Who in their right mind would do this? And it's not like the other siblings are mere kids with little brain space to think for themselves like say...on the effects of watching tv on academic performace and personal life developments. In fact, I'd fight to the death the person who would switch off my Tv in the middle of Boston Legal, see that I don't. (being the little sister notwithstanding, although this wouldn't be entirely valid for me) They are JC and upper secondary students for goodness sake and no tv at that age is well...it can be akin to killing their cheapest source of entertainment what with the price hike in cinemas and all.

Not to mention the family history on the business they take, the not-so-appealing childhood photograph of a member of the family (Wedy: Oh myyy Goooooddddd, which let me translate to you, mean something like this: God, that is the ugliest kid I've ever seen) and where they get their potted plant from (I assure you it is not legal).

Enough of the dirty little secrets.

The fact of the matter is, I am appalled that the maid would even tell us this. Although I doubt malice was intended on her part.

I suppose it's not advisable to leave your maid so alone she'd chatted up the neighbour like an old pal. (perhaps at this point I should clarify that one of the other siblings was a friend of Wedy so we're not entirely strangers with this maid). But still. One shall know when the time comes that sometimes it's best that the mouth serves no greater function than as a mean to consume food. Oh imagine that God creates man with two mouth, what are we to do then huh? What are we to do???

And I suppose if you were to hire a maid, it's advisable to hire one so stupid she can't separate dirty little secrets from average normal daily routine. Just don't shout at her when she mistakes the pan for the pot. Or hire one so smart she'd automatically refrain from sharing the family's information. But then again you'd be worried that she'd be smart enough to find a way to open your safety deposit box, marry some stranger on the street and run away with your daughter.

The way I see it, what's lacking with the employer here is respect. Or perhaps diplomacy.

It can't get any more tactful too, the way they shout "I AM PAYING FOR ALMOST ALL OF YOUR LIVING EXPENSES AND PERHAPS THAT OF YOUR FAMILY BACK HOME TOO, SHOULDN'T YOU BE GRATEFUL?" or "FOUR DAYS OFF IN A WEEK?? WHY DON'T I JUST CHARGE YOU WITH RENT?" (I can't believe the things some people write in the newspaper it's like they hardly think things through)

If you think about it, the desperate has nothing to lose while the employers have everything to lose. See, one desperate maid who's ready to kill herself may just find in her the devillish desire to burn down the house while she's at it, costing you your family, property and basically..well... your place of domicile.

It really won't harm to show a degree of appreciation ( or at least anything that sounds like it even if you don't really mean it). You can praise while you chide. People do it all the time, haven't you been watching the IOC session???

If you want to sack her, you don't go "OUTTT!!! OUTTT!!!!GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE YOU STUPID LAZY THIEVING BITCH!!!!!"
You might want to go with: "We really appreciate your service, you've been a great help around the house. As the contract has expired I'd assume you'd fancy some holiday? Why don't you go back to your hometown, spend some quality time with your family -I'm sure they'd love that- and when we need your valuable service again we'd send you a letter, together with the air tickets for you to come here and join us" (and of course the letter would never come)

See? it may be a dozen times longer and you might need to produce a little more saliva than usual and pinch your cheek to achieve the desired smiling effect but it's definitely safer. It wouldn't leave her wanting to burn your house down. "YOU BITCH GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!" on the other hand, would probably leave her wanting to burn your house down, taking your daughter with her (only to abandon her at some construction site of course), choking your baby with the ashes of your grandmother, destroying your family heirloom (if you have one), scratch and dent your car AND curse your family for 9 generations to come.

That is not to say all maids are of this violent nature. But you'll never know.

Your superiors aren't the only ones needing sucking up. Bootlick your subordinate for once. And don't think that you should be cursed for stooping so low, think about your daughter, your baby, your car, your family heirloom and your future 9 generations.

In fact, don't they say, "the mark of a great man is not in the way he treats his equal but in the way he treats his subordinate" I wouldn't call it bootlicking. I'd call it strategic diplomacy to get what you want without causing much resentment, leaving your house, daughter, baby, car, grandmother's ashes and family heirloom intact.

It's not so hard is it? All it takes is a little temper-curbing.

And you should see for yourselves where these people come from. The poorest region where you can hardly pick what you want to eat, much less meat. Beggars can't be choosers. But they can certainly be arsonists when push comes to shoves. And most of them are not educated enough in the proper use of contraceptives and are producing kids like mad, worsening the living condition. What are you going to feed them really, when you're still busy trying to figure out what to put on the dinner table the next day yourselves?

I'm not saying employers are obliged to help them. Hell, no. I am just presenting the side of reality that seems to me, employers here are obscured from. So when I said maid can be deperate enough to kill, I mean they can be desperate enough.

Anyway, after 40 minutes of chatting with the maid, we left in a haste. I can only imagine the kind of information I would get should I stay for another hour. I refuse to even think about it.

Grinning Goat at 7/08/2005 08:45:00 AM pontificated

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{buzzz out}

Sunday, July 03, 2005

FIRST CLASS

Aviva Open Singapore 2005. The matches were marvellous. Quality games. FIRST CLASS.

I was sitting for 5 straight hours watching.

The mixed double finalists Gao Ling/ Zhang Jun were superb. Beat the hell out of the Thai pairs. Sudket and Saralee were mean. Great play. But they still lost.
I love Gao Ling. Awesome reflexes. And she was smiling all the way. Saralee's mistake, she smiled. Her own mistake, she smiled. Very laid-back. And yet it's backed by an amazing talent. Played two match on one day back to back. Ah but she lost the second one.

And cursed it, in the middle of their match I had a stomachache. I just couldn't leave my seat until they won. No way. I'd be missing all the good stuff. You can imagine my mother frowning that the state of her daughter's bowel movement depends on Gao Ling and Zhang Jun winning the match. But -pardon the pun- I held my shit together.

I guess I was being ambitious when I tried to comment continuously on a badminton match we had last time. BEcause the key to commenting a bdminton match is to keep somewhat silent during the game. I was observing the commentator for today's match. He just commented occasionally, like when someone scored. In the middle of it while the shuttle cock's still flying back and forth at lightning's speed he just kept mum. Short of trying to say something only to pause because he wanted to (bite his nails and) observe the game. It was distracting. Like an unfinished business. An empty comprehension cloze fill-in-the-blanks.

Then there was the woman single. China against China. So not much suspense there.
Zhang Ni beat Zhou Mi. Check the paper for the exact score tomorrow. I'm only here to tell you who win should you think the media is notoriously slow in diseminating information.

The women's doubles. China against China. Gao Ling played again and to my dismay and disappointment, she lost to the Zhang pair.
But this was one hell of a long-drawn match. Hard-fought. The shuttle cock stayed in the air so long, I could've gone doing my business and be back and it'll still hang in there. Why couldn't I have the stomachache now? Superb superb game.

Taufik Hidayat vs Chen Hong from CHina. This is probably the highlight of the afternoon. Chen Hong was trashed. Hah. Taufik has this air around him, this style perhaps. This calmness. He let the shuttle cock travel a little before he hit it. It's like a game. A challenge. See if he could hit it in time and not let an easy ball in (I was about to say cock but it just sounds wrong). He beat Lindan too yesterday in the semi-final, it's just that people don't get all high, blurry-eyed and have their brain turn to mush because of it. Oh and he doesn't get a million too, I reckon.

You know how sometimes in a live telecast of a sports event the view just switch suddenly to the spectator for a couple of seconds? Well, it did happen today too and the commentator always seemed to have something to say when that happened. And it's one of those nonsensical things not really related to the game. There was this one time when he asked someone (while talking on air) to translate the chinese characters in this cue cards flashed by the suporters. Oh and it says "China badminton fighting for number one".

The last match of the day. Men's Doubles. Sigit Budiarto/ Chandra Wijaya against Denmark. There was finger-chewing tension. But the Indonesians went home slightly richer today with 8-15, 15-8, 15-7.

Extraordinary.

And in the middle of the first match, Chandra Wijaya suddenly (while the shuttle cock's still flying and we're chewing our fingers with our eyes glued to the television and all) changed racket AND still be back at the court to hit the next incoming ball. That was amazing. I wouldn't have believed it if not for the frame by frame replay. The net in his racket snapped so I heard. But changing racket in the middle of a match? wow that was like throwing a ball from the second floor then run down to the first floor and actually manage to catch it.

So summary of AVIVA OPEN 2005:

Mixed Double: Zhang Jun/ Gao Ling (China)
Women's Single: Zhang Ni (China)
Women's Double: Zhang Dan/ Zhang Yawen (China)
Men's Single: Taufik Hidayat (Indonesia)
Men's Double: Sigit Budiarto/ Chandra Wijaya (Indonesia)

So I see that today's a good day to be a Chinese. And to be me.

Grinning Goat at 7/03/2005 06:32:00 PM pontificated

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{buzzz out}